I post pictures not words but have been thinking I might give my creative writing mind a workout. The past few months have giving me a few funny and incredible stories!
Jon and I have been in the process of buying a house, a tedious task it has turned out to be. After looking at just enough properties to make them all start to melt together we choose what we thought was the one. Price negociated, deposit given, paperwork to the bank, signed life away- all check check and check. Last item to be completed was the home inspection. This was not a big deal as the house was only 7 years old and very nice.
Love Fridays, but really loved last Friday as we left work early to have our first home together inspected. We stopped at Starbucks to take a nice fancy coffee with us as we hung out in the "new" house. Patricia the realtor and Peter the inspector met us there at 2pm to get things rolling. Peter is from New Zealand with a lovely accent that made me think drinks and music were about to start at any time!!
NOT...45 minutes later I was crying...yes crying. Red, blotchy and mascara running I was in my "new" basement being shown that it had been a marijuana grow-up. Seriously our first house was to be a grow-up???
The inspector was explaining to me that he had found 5 of 10 points that are looked for in a grow-up. You know, well I did not, excessive staples on the wood, tin on the walls, stains on the floor, electrical tampered with, duct work tampered with etc. As I was having my holy shit moment I saw a pile of stuff in the corner covered by a bed sheet and ask " What's that?". Mr.Inspector, more respect now as clearly he is good at what he does, pulls back the sheet to find the equipment. Let that set in...the equipment is there.
Under the sheet was the following: fancy plant foods, sodium lights, de-humidifiers, scales, pots, additional ducts, even a friggin weed poster!!! Come on who needs de-humidifiers in Alberta. Nobody that is who. The inspector figures that this guy was growing up to 200 plants or so. That is a big grow-up as one plant can get thousands of dollars.
By this time Jon has that look on his face, you know the one a man gets when he is not happy. He looks like he wants to break stuff but is silent at this point. Not Good ! Women are easier, we cry and keep going.
I go upstairs and get myself together, the house looks different to me and I don't want it anymore. Shit this is going to be fun to get out of the contract. My realtor is the best and I would recommend her to anyone, but sadly she had called the realtor of this house. That genius called the home owner, and yup you guessed it he came home. Even I know that this was a faux pas...owner stays out while you inspect the home. Clearly rules do not apply in this house.
He comes through the front door as we are in his kitchen talking about the grow-up. He looks combative and anxious. He could be in need of a puff or 2 but I suspect he is nervous about the accusation of having a home based business. He asks what is going on to which I reply " Just finished the inspection and are leaving".
Might be a good time to say that with the Flight or Fight instinct I am very strongly inclined to FLIGHT. Knocked Jon in the laundry basket one night when the fire alarm went off and was 2 flights of stairs down when he caught up. The urge to live is strong in me.
Anyway I was out of the house first and then heard my realtor say " You had a grow-up in this house". Then I hear talk of lawyers and threats from the guy and to top it all off the says the following..."My Ex used to grow orchids and tomatoes in the basement".
MORON... tomatoes!! SHUT UP
We have a great banker who got us out of the deal and we are now on to another house.
I learned a few things on this day that will stay with me for some time.
1. Always get a home inspection
2. Do not argue with a drug dealer/grower
3. The suburbs are more dangerous then the inner city I live in now
4. A house is only 4 walls and there are many others out there
Chow for now!
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